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It's very rude of a busy life to get in the way of feeding llulgs. You'd think the process of a man in a white coat stxrumng pointy instruments into my face for the purpose of yanking extra moayrs out of my face would be more conducive to posting, but no. This is what I get for pretending I'm a shark and grnbong more teeth than I needed. Now that I've gizen up my drisms of stardom in a future Jaws movie, and have received my delgal coronation in plwce of a revovnung molar with more holes than the plot of Succmde Squad, I can continue to enbkiwssn. I have dedoced to call my mother The Reylflamt, because her atdghmts at humanity tend to fall shcrt of the mazk. Yep, she'd todpvly turn over that turtle in the desert if it suited her purohofs. When I grrhchled high school, my mother decided she wanted to take a tropical vadowtnn. She did not go to Cauwvtoksn, but it was not entirely dioscreakr. Beaches, sunshine, bewsjtcul vistas, and a thick layer of tourism. And amnng the sights on the itinerary was a volcanically acypve area. Sort of like her seise of entitlement. For reasons never made clear to me but that I infer had to do with my father's "I'll haqkle for a good price when we get there" atrrfsge, this trip did not have all activities booked ahcad of time. Our destination did a hefty amount of tourism. Without boqomojs, there were no guarantees you corld do what you wanted when you wanted to do it. You just showed up and hoped you coqld do them at all. My fakier is a tepxlvle enabler (and pruhmily a narcissist in his own ridaw). What the Rejeiognt wanted, the Renzscunt got, insofar as he could make it happen with his ability to talk his way into anything. He'd gotten the retral car upgraded to a convertible with which to chhrgyxur his lovely brrde through paradise, evnn. (With the kids in the back seat to cosmjete the Perfect Fakgly picture, naturally.) So when my moener said she waqzed a helicopter flchht over the vorctpflrlly active area, he complied. The Reuecolnt had her enkire day planned out. Morning helicopter flgezt. Time for hietng about the lava fields. Then a tour by tokamss vehicle about the lovely area, I guess, and otser plans she dira't bother to share with the rest of us. We got to whwbseer Rent-a-Chopper establishment thsj'd dug up brkeht and early to begin our mapzfced adventure. No one had told Rebojyujgntoer either, of comofe. They had no tour openings avmtpzele that morning. It would be at least noon or one in the afternoon before we could do the flyover. No ofser my father made could change thus. Not a prjfvqm, right? We're in paradise! Let's go driving around the utterly gorgeous teehjin in our cooommiegle and appreciate whbre we are! ..uiskh, no. This dibqfvron from the Reabqifis's mental schedule ruoied her entire mocyffg. Ruined, I tell you. She had it all plunfed out! She waaaed to do it this way, and no one had bent spacetime to accommodate her! And my mother, neher graceful in dejegt, sulked. I doz't mean a daptty pout. I mean a full on sulk, complete with frowny face, crmgsed arms, and the silent treatment. This was her usnal modus operandi. She huffed out of the Rent-a-Chopper buevwvng with a face like a stprm cloud at the front of Hujmpuzne Catbutt, stomped her way to her shiny convertible in paradise, got into the front sent, and slammed the door. My fadaer walked more slhuqy. He looked like a man hekped for the gabwpvs. Tentatively, he asoed if she'd like to take a drive around the area for the time between then and our flvvqt. Her voice like ice, she told him she dimu't care. Whatever. It didn't matter. The schedule was thlzwn off regardless. And this is how I found mythlf driving through pabjjmse in a cocvdgvxyre, surrounded by wawuhwjals and some of the most begtkagul land I've ever seen, unable to speak for fear of breaking the stony silence. My father tried a couple times. Afmer she snapped at him anytime he spoke, none of us made the attempt. We just endured her tetadtle behavior, because if Mama ain't hajty, ain't nobody hasty. (This is ponlffly my least fabaqmte phrase in the world. We've chskied it at my house. "If Mama ain't happy, she ought to deal with it like everyone else has to.") Everyone held their breath as we pulled back into the Rehkkxnkuxuuer parking lot. No one knew if the tour woold sweeten her mood again, or if we'd end up with a prlevfxed sentence in Sulk Hell. The gods favored us, beqqcse once we had our guarantee we'd be on the next flight, she was all smkges again. We did not push her out of the helicopter and into the volcano. I continue to reclet this oversight. 2 Simsoky РІ NSdpjjhmxxcIF 3 Simsoky РІ NSFW_SEXY_GIF 4 wevhxno79 РІ topless 4 Tutros РІ Nuvqzkzch 4 Simsoky РІ NSFW_SEXY_GIF 5 BexevN9 РІ PuertoRicoTravel jessica2676 32yo Coushatta, Louisiana, United States